Would you play Russian roulette with your heart?

One of the most common issues I deal with daily is about relationships. “Don’t you think I’m ready to be married?” “Who do I marry among all my suitors?” “How do I know if he is for real?” “When should I start dating?” “Are there warning signs I should look out for?” I thought to pen down some of my thoughts here so every one else can benefit.

A choice that could help or hurt you

I see the frustration expressed by many young single ladies when they get to a certain age range and don’t have the right man; but like I say, why allow worry harm your health now and damage your future!? It may take you a long time before you find the right person with whom you will be happy, but it is worth the wait. So many people do not like to hear anything else when they believe they are old enough, so they rather play Russian roulette with their hearts. Who plays such games with their heart!? Who gambles with such a sensitive and important life decision like marriage?

Of serious concern also, is the speed at which many people who claim they have been hurt, rush into another relationship/marriage. Recently I was talking with a young lady who told me how much her ex hurt her and how she had learnt her lesson. The way she sounded as she wailed and lamented about how miserable she was, weakened me and honestly, if I was not tough, maybe I would have cried with her. Two weeks later, while I was still feeling her pains, she said she wanted to tell me about some other “nice” guy she just met. I couldn’t say a word for almost thirty seconds. And she goes; “it is not like that, he is such a nice guy and he is very tender, loving and caring. If you meet him you will like him”. “But that was exactly what you said about the last one that hurt you” I said, “what makes you think he is better?” Is it just me or does anybody else out there think some people are in too much of a hurry to get into a relationship? Doesn’t nature teach us that healing takes time? Are you not aware that half-healed is as dangerous as not healed?

For those who are ready and need a little advice on how to make the right choice, here are a few tips

Friendship

I’m going to talk about friendship and love as if they are the same because I believe that a friend loves at all times and without friendship love cannot grow. I admit that developing friendship is a process; it might take a while but when you develop friendship you’ll be glad. As you develop friendship you get more understanding of each other. Your friend is someone you can laugh, play, pray, cry and share trivialities with. A friend is not perfect but because you two can talk about everything it makes it easier to flow and face challenges together. Your friend is not necessarily someone who condones your mediocrity; it is the one who makes you uncomfortable to live lower than you ought to. When you meet that friend, you will continue to improve, learn and grow. A friend never allows you stay stagnant

I have heard some ladies say “he is my very good friend and I cannot date or marry him” and I’m bewildered. Maybe that statement has another meaning but if it means that he is too close to be a husband, then you are making a mistake. I think friendship is the main fiber that holds a relationship together and if you find a friend in him/her, you should take it further. Never think of going into a lifetime venture like marriage with someone who you cannot share, laugh and play with. If you don’t have the bond of friendship, don’t make it permanent.

Compatibility

In my opinion, the reason why many relationships fail is because the two people involved are unequally yoked. Many people have a wrong idea of compatibility. Some think it means being the same. It is not. It might mean being in agreement about most things, but it does not mean being the same. Two hot-headed people may not make it because neither of them would want to calm down for the other. Two very slow people may have a very boring marriage because none of them has the “heat” to warm up the relationship. Compatibility means that even though you are different, you two are able to find a common ground and can operate harmoniously. It means that you two can agree and work together. Two of you should be able to perform tasks without arguing and fighting all the time. If you two can hardly agree on anything, there is a good chance that you will not make a good couple.

Passion

When someone is not passionate about life or what they do, it is not a good sign. We are passionate beings. It could be Sports, School, Church or Business; you got to be passionate about something. If he has passion, it should also show when he is in love. If he is not passionate about anything, then two things:

1) He might not have the drive to make income to care for his family

2) He probably would not be passionate even about his relationship.

That is not to say you should not settle with him, it is to let you know what to expect before you sign the dotted lines.

The law of thermodynamics states that “Energy cannot be created or destroyed; it can only be changed from one form to another”

Passion is not like skill or trade. You can teach someone a trade but you cannot teach them passion. It cannot be created, you either have it or you do not. Someone can go to school to train as a teacher but no one can give him/her the passion to communicate to her students. Show me a passionate person and I show you someone whose spirit cannot be quenched. You do not need many words to motivate a passionate person; but nothing you say will get a slipshod person off their butt. Trying to motivate a non passionate person is like trying to wake up the dead. If you are that anointed, save it for something more important. As you search for the “chosen one”, make sure you look for someone with passion.

Never settle with an idle person

Whoever you want to settle with must not be idle. An idle mind, they say, is the devil’s workshop. He/she must have work and work is not necessarily an office job. If he is not doing anything then he/she is not ready for Marriage. This a key factor to consider my dear ladies. You have no business relating with idle boys. It is alright if he is a student, especially if you are not going to marry him while he is still in school. But let him be a student who is industrious and ambitious. You can know what someone is capable of doing in the future by what they do right now. Many students are very industrious. They find ways to make income; holiday jobs, businesses and etc. Most of such students go on to be very prosperous after school.

Do not let anyone fool you by telling all those “pipe dreams”; making you feel like they have great plans. If you do not see what they are doing right now, then you can be certain that they are up to no good. By what they do now, you know what they can do tomorrow.

There are so many more tips for singles. Let me have your ideas and let us discuss further. I have made it easier for everyone to comment, so send me your comments and questions. I’ll be ready to respond.