Paradox of rotten eggs

Recent events have prompted me to talk about abuse. Our sons and daughters are hurting, many are emotionally dead and several have died as a result of abuse. I am going to be straight forward and direct here and I hope I make my point simple and clear so that those who are responsible for such wickedness will desist and repent while those who are victims will find healing and restoration.

Trusted traitors

Children look up to their parents and grown people to love, care, provide and protect them. But sadly many have allowed themselves to be used to hurt children. Is it insanity or what makes a grown man “play” with/on little girls? What makes a little girl desirable to an adult man? How can a sane woman practice her erotic delusion with a little boy? Isn’t that a psychiatric case? Why would a man want to have sex with his wife or girl friend’s daughter? Have we become so out of control that our dignity and pride is of no importance anymore!?

Everyday I read stories of rape, abuse and child molestation my heart hurts. It is just not right. If she is not old enough to live on her own, then she is not old enough for sex. Let’s assume she is old enough for sex, if she is not ready for it then she should not be made to experience it. Even if she is ready to, if she is not yours should you be looking in her direction at all!? When you touch, erotically, someone who looks up to you, it is more than moral failure. It is wickedness, for lack of better word.

Child on trial

It pains me to know that several children are abused daily but hurts me more to see that those who ought to help those kids are the ones who bully them. An irresponsible man tampers with a little girl’s genital, she grows up and has strange sexual feelings and “jumps” on boys in school and everywhere; does that not mean the girl needs help? Instead of helping her people ostracize her and call her “spoilt child”. What did she do wrong? Was it her fault that she was abused? Is it not the responsibility of responsible women and leaders around to scoop her up and lovingly help her? What are mothers turning into these days? Mothers used to know how to help children in pain and in need but these days people only care about their own children. Isn’t that self-centeredness? If Jesus was to meet that child would He consider her spoilt and not offer to help her? If that little abused child was your baby, what would you do? Do not ask what you should do, do what is right. Do what you would do if she was your child.

 Unethical realities

When people go to church they expect to get love, leadership and a closer relationship with God. The church is a place where people go to worship God, fellowship with believers and acquire spiritual knowledge. It is a place where broken people go for healing and restoration; a place of refuge in a world where anarchy is the order of the day. It is understandable if people go there also to socialize, it is expected, since we are people of the light and we are to mingle only with people of like faith. But what I do not understand is how some pastors have abused their office and some church folks have taken the house and the name of the Lord for granted.

First: Some church leaders have no business being in leadership because they either are not trained for that purpose or they do not know anything about the ethos of the honorable profession. If you are trained and learned, you know that it is unethical to abuse your followers or anyone for that matter. I have heard how some church leaders “rape” members of their congregation; this is ungodly, unacceptable and out of order. It is the highest form of abuse of office. And to think that some see it as nothing serious is ridiculous.

The Untouchables

What happened to the old scrupulous process of inducting a pastor to the holy order? What happened to the commitment to abstain from things that affect a leader’s focus and sense of judgment? What happened to the restrictions? In my opinion, since church leaders started permitting wantonness and drunkenness things have never been the same. The “God understands” message has, rather than help the cause, dragged us to the mud. In those days there were boundaries we would never cross and everyone who had the audacity to accept the huge responsibility of leading God’s people was put through rigorous trainings and certain obligations which included recitations of things we must not do. For instance, “We will not touch the girls!” “We will not touch the Gold!” “We will not touch the Glory!” We were not to crave wine, women and wealth; these were considered too sacred a vow to break. What ever happened to the “creed”!? Today, things seem to have changed and anything goes. Rather than raise the standard, we have stooped lower than the expectation. What a shame!

Some say it is not that serious an issue but it seems to me that the permission to take wine “…for your stomach sake” has warped some ministers’ minds and given them a lascivious desire for wealth and women. Many ministers have thrown caution to air and feel no guilt when they express sexual feelings towards women under their leadership. Sex with members, which was a “no, no” has become prevalent. Such libidinous orgies were never condoned in the days when there were strict regulations and tougher requirements to become a church leader. We need sanity restored to the system. Can we return to the altar, ask for forgiveness and begin a process of healing for those we have misled and abused?  

Playing the blame game

There is no doubt that this whole thing suggests leadership failure, however I do not accept the excuse that some ladies give. How can someone say she gave her body to a pastor because she saw him as a man of God and did not want to offend “God”? How can you say you were not able to walk away from an illicit relationship for fear of hurting the pastor or fear that he would tell the world how you seduced him? Are you kidding me!? Is this ignorance, foolishness or an attempt to place blame on someone else? Or is it that an adult woman does not know her body is “private” and she has a right to say no? I understand that trust can make you go into a room alone with your leader, but common sense should tell you that if he asks for sex you have a right to walk away. You cannot allow him free access to your body, it is your body and you should say no to any man who wants to manipulate you into doing what you do not want to do. I don’t care who he is, what position he occupies or his influence in the church or society; if he did not find you worthy to make you his wife, then he is not qualified to lay with you. I didn’t think any grown woman would need to be told she owns her body!

Some say they believed the pastor to the point that they fell for his antics. But what does the bible say about what the pastor is saying? Or maybe you do not even know that the bible is the final authority and authenticator of any word, message, prophecy, “sayings” or teaching. No it is not the pastor! But the problem is that many church folks do not know what the bible says so they accept anything they hear from the pastor. People have several apps on their phones, tabs and Ipads and almost all apps are used daily but the bible app. People go to facebook, twitter, and other social networks but rarely read their bibles. How will they know the truth when they do not study the bible? I agree that some church leaders have gone crazy and out of control with their lustful living, but if a lady knows who she is, what she wants and what the word says, she will not allow herself be used or abused.

While I agree that the leader who gets sexually involved with his members is abusive, I do not know if I can say that women who foolishly and willingly give themselves to him were abused. If on your own volition you give yourself to any man, you probably abused yourself. I don’t understand how a woman who freely had sex with a man over and over again would turn around after a long time and cry “foul”. Why didn’t you cry out after the first time, first week or first month? Were you enjoying the experience or were you under a spell? Yes you may have been raped, but do rape victims wait for several sessions of the so called “rape” before they seek help?  How about “date the boss” ideology!? Is it not possible that some who claim to be abused actually seduced the boss for some reason? Could it be that when things fell apart someone tried to play another game to claim innocence and attract sympathy? Too many questions!

On the flip side, I know how some men can be very manipulative. That is one problem I have with many good looking and charismatic men; they use their charm and eloquence to beguile weak minded women. They passionately tell sorry tales about how needy they are, all in a bid to attract pity and get some asinine woman to offer her body. Unfortunately such men do not understand divine purpose for their endowment and as Myles Munroe puts it in his book Understanding the power of woman “When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable”. A minister who does not understand why he is gifted and why he occupies the position he is in, will abuse himself and those whom he leads. It is a shame how some church leaders have besmirched the name of the Lord and the noble office they occupy.

If you are a pastor and you find yourself sleeping with women in your congregation you have a problem; a very serious problem for that matter. A mistake happens once and with one person, but it is not a mistake if you fall over and over again and with more than one person. Don’t claim you were seduced; accept responsibility for your conduct. When you signed up for the job you should have known that you will attract all sorts. If you were trained you should know and expect people to crush on you; but you should also have been taught how to manage it and turn their unreasonable desire into positive use. You are a disgrace to God, yourself and the body. You have failed woefully.

Restoration

When all is said and done, I do believe that there are many girls and women out there who have been abused by leaders and people they trusted. To such, on behalf of all leaders, I apologize for how we have mishandled you. You do not deserve to be treated the way you were treated. It was nothing you did wrong; it was wickedness of the heart and selfish desire that led to the abuse. Find it in your heart to please forgive, for in forgiveness of your offenders can you find total restoration.

All we like sheep have gone astray; no one can say he has not fallen into one error or the other. No not one. Not even me. If you have abused God’s people, then you committed a grievous offence. Do not attempt to defend yourself; accept that you have done wrong and seek to make amends. Denial of your weakness is a sign of impenitence. Humble yourself before you are humiliated. You have done damage to the name of Christ, but you can turn around and go back to God for cleansing. You might have to step down from your office and go seek His face. Peradventure, He will forgive and restore you.